Thank God I'm an atheist.
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Sometimes when I'm bored, I'll text a random number and say, "hey. im pregnant"
I would give your ass an "A-" but im grading on a curve.
Pickup line: If guys think with their penis, then will you blow my mind?
I was going to go out for dinner, but it seems like everyone and their mother are out.
Marriage is a lot like tennis, its all about the backhand.
2 cars crashed in Mexico on a highway. 57 died
Its awkward when a fat person sees you looking at the weight limit sign in the elevator
I work out every morning, and when I'm done I delete my browsing history.
i add you on steam
i know of you is cartoon of south park
hello KillerZebra wanna be my friend
sex is like oxygen. it's only important if you're not getting any.
An unidentified man pickpocketed a midget. Who would stoop so low?
I wonder how long it takes a giraffe to throw up.
Did you know that if you sing "we are family" over and over, you get called a disgrace and kicked out of the orphanage.
DONT HURT ME
Accidentally ran over a kid wearing a John Cena shirt. But in my defense, I couldn't see him..
"Thats what" - She
If I had a nickel for every time i saw someone as beautiful as you, i would have five cents. -
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