KillerZebras cat has fleas. everywhere. fuck fleas. my sheets are covered in them.
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I was going to tell a gay joke. Butt fuck it
I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming.
You've cat to be kitten me right meow.
1+1 = 3..... if you dont use a condom
How do 5 gay guys walk? (in One Direction)
Someone just asked me if I was gay. Their exact words were "Do you like twilight?"
Boobs are proof that i can concentrate on two things at once
Every time I read ROFL, all I can hear is Scooby Doo trying to say "Waffle".
sea levels aren't rising due to global warming. They are rising due to the increase in obesity. The continents are actually sinking.
Twitter gives me that paranoid feeling that I'm being followed...
There has been so many shootings at Virginia Tech that they should make their school a map on Modern Warfare 3.
My gf told me if i dont buy her something that goes 0-200 in 6 seconds we are over. So i bought her a bathroom scale.
Woohoo passed my C++ class with a 95 :D
Like a dead fetus, i wasn't born yesterday.
Next time i want my phone to be completely silent. I will put it on the "Lebron" setting. No rings
Have you heard about the new critically acclaimed movie, "Other People"? Because that is what I think we should be seeing.
This girl i like thinks i'm a stalker. She said so on her facebook, twitter and even in one of her diaries.
For me, getting out of bed is only the second hardest thing in the morning...
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