Dave Nov 1, 2016 The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
Dave Oct 26, 2016 Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
Dave Oct 24, 2016 If you’re looking for sympathy, you’ll find it in the dictionary between “shit” and “syphilis”
Dave Oct 21, 2016 Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night,
Dave Oct 17, 2016 Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.
Dave Oct 15, 2016 WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
Dave Oct 14, 2016 For Halloween I'm going to write "Life" on a plain white T-shirt and hand out lemons to strangers.