Tomatketchup's Relationship Advice
- Thread starter Tomatketchup
- Start date
My online girlfriend turned on me and abandoned me. What accelerant do you recommend for revenge arson?
Questionable Moose
Banned
Dear Tomatketchup, I got into a huge fight with my online boyfriend and I left him when he threaten to come home to me and stab me in my eye. What should I do if he seeks revenge for me leaving him? D:
Well DarthLego, hydrocarbon-based fuels are usually the best accelerants. Unfortunately, these are easy to detect in the inevitable investigations to follow. What makes hydrocarbon-based fuels so great though is that it's the gas that's combustible and not the actual liquid. So try to drink lots of strong beer, then inhale whatever hydrocarbon-based fuel you've acquired without actually drinking it, then burp on the fire you've created (or any fire in case arsons are common in your area) and there you go, the perfect crime. Bonus points if you blame it on muslims.
Depends. Is she cheating on you as in with another man/woman, or is she cheating on you as in she's not cheering on Göteborg FF?
With a tranny granny. What can I do to get her back? And if she declines what is the most effective way to hide the body?
hXcjedders
Australian Skial God
The moment you film yourself having sex with another gal and sending the video file to tomatketchup@gmail.com
Weren't your gal's tits like, super tiny? How would you even know you're just not scratching against her belly?
Tried it. I give it a 110% rating. It works great! My ex's house is no more, all thanks to you, TomatoKetchup!
P.s. I also stabbed her in the eye. What do I do to cover up that? I used an icicle, in case you're wondering.
Questionable Moose
Banned
I am going to steal this question to help you with your situation!
That should depend on how far your cock is into her vagina.
0: Congratulation, you have been friendszoned into oblivion by a girl that are so comfortable with her friends that pressing her enormous titties to your face is nothing but a giggle-time. Do nothing but smile and feel eternal pain in your soul.
1/4: Congratulation for your first penetration that does not include your fleshlight! Now hug those titties with your hands and continue to stare into her eyes! For you my man just lost your virginity!
1/2: Why the hell do you need to ask if you already got half your cock into her? This is not your first time banging her nor the last time. Just continue to spread that chocolate sauce all over her...you sick freak.
1: Congratulation, you are now fully a supportive figure for mankind; please for the love of god wear a condom or else you will pay her for the next 18 years! You shall now bask in the glory of your muscularity.
1 ½: ...Oh god, what?