If hats had stats..........

[Roboute Guilliman]

So pretty much, make up any stats you'd think hats should have. (I'd love to see someone make one up for an Unusual.)
I'll start. Prepare for extremely broken balancing if this is actually implanted.

Doublecross-com:
On sniper: Allows the sniper to highlight all targets he has hit.
Sees through walls upon right clicking twice
gives you a radar
On Spy: Can See through walls

Dashin Hashashin: Allows the spy to scale up walls.

 

[staticvoid]

Gibus gives noclip to any user.

 

[Jaffarello]

All nuts'n'bolts unusuals:
Give the Engineer +25% building speed bonus

 

[Drum]

Any engineer hat:
Allows you to place 3 mini sentries and they cost 0 ammo

 

[DaivdBaekr]

Desert Marauder:
/timebomb @me

 

[staticvoid]

Milkman and Mad Milk
Item Set Bonus

Infinite Mad Milk

 

[Blade D_Hero]

Towering Pillar of Hats

-After a kill, add the enemy's hat into your inventory.

 

[Mars Ultor]

Blazing Bull:

Give the Pyro an attack similar to the Splendid Screen.

 

[sov]

Soldiers Stash: Take a hit from a joint after every kill. After 2 kills the player will have increased speed, accuracy and jump height.

BONK! Helm: mini sentry immunity and extra BONK! time.

 

[Avenger]

Anger: Place a red tinge over the sniper's screen after each successful headshot

 

[Roboute Guilliman]

Bombing run: Upon taunt, on a PLR or PL game, the bomb is instantly transferred into a large plane and dropped into the enemy's hatch.

 

[Pinker-tan]

Counterfeit billycock: changes the picture of the hat disguise to the hat of the person you just back stabbed

 

[AfireAzuaki]

Officer's Ushanka:
Upon taunt, the russian national anthem

 

[Roboute Guilliman]

Battlebob: Upon taunt plays

 

[Thorin Oakenshield]

Flaming anything: Wearer is always on fire.

 

[mike-kirby]

Safe'n'Sound:
Plays music

 

[Morbuzka]

Head Warmer - People lit on fire burn 1 second longer for every minute you wear this hat

 

[staticvoid]

Any engineer hat:
Allows you to place 3 mini sentries and they cost 0 ammo

I would uninstall TF2 and never touch it again.

 

[Party Chocobo]

I would uninstall TF2 and never touch it again.

Unless this was a thing.

BONK! Helm: mini sentry immunity

I would give Valve all my money. (That I don't have)

 

[Avenger]

I would uninstall TF2 and never touch it again.

While I hate being shot by minies, they are the savior of a sniper. Keeping all them derp scouts off