Gabe is so fat he has to noclip around valve HQ
Gabe Newell is so fat, when I swerved to miss him, I ran out of gas.
http://i.imgur.com/FpDcT.png
The Cake is a lie,because Gabe ate it.
Gabe Newell is so fat, when they scanned him to a wireframe to put him in the game in a cameo, the computer had an out of memory error.
It was running a 64 bit OS.
:troll: :troll: :troll: :troll: :troll: :troll: :troll: :troll:

Okay one of those I haven't heard yet and made me laugh, so here's an informative for you!
 
wet shoes (from walking through rain), missing one of my gloves during the winter, partially closed doors (they either have to be fully opened or closed.. not sure why it bothers me so much)
 
People leaving time on the microwave, MY GOD I FUCKING HATE THAT!
People who don't knock. I got sick of people walking in on me getting dressed, I went and bought a goddamn bolt lock for my bedroom.
 
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people who cough/sneeze in public and do not cover their mouths!!

drivers who don't signal when they turn

and oh yeah, those people on the highway that all go the same speed in every lane and you can't get around them. its called a fast lane for a reason !!
 
people who cough/sneeze in public and do not cover their mouths!!

drivers who don't signal when they turn

and oh yeah, those people on the highway that all go the same speed in every lane and you can't get around them. its called a fast lane for a reason !!


PEOPLE WHO COMPLAIN ALOT

jk...
 
The sound of children singing. i can fake liking it for about 2 seconds then I want them to stfu.
Other people's kids.
People who swear they have manners, yet never provide valid proof.
Being circled by the pagoda vultures at the mall. No I don't want to try your hand lotion.
Mouth breathers & people who cross into my personal space.
Psuedo-christians; the worst kind.
Besserwissers.
People who can't sit still.
Gadget addicts that can't carry on an IRL conversation.
Belligerent drunks.
Scratchy/uncomfortable bed sheets.
Crumbs on the counter.
Someone stealing my leftovers.


I'll add more later...
 
I cannot tolerate people who are not prepared to admit their mistakes when they are wrong.
Also that fucking driver who pulls out on you from a side road, causing you to brake hard, then proceeds to do one of two things: gives YOU the finger, or takes the next turnoff 30 yards down the road.