Wingman's Funniest Joke (Ended)

I have an original joke about Yuri Gagarin, Timo Soini, Usain Bolt, Kim Jong Un and Hitler where they're all under the same shower.

But it may not end well.
 
What's the best way to make an entire server rage?

a quick-fix medic pocketing a pyro.
 
image.png
 
Let's settle this argument like adults. In the bedroom like adults, naked

Me: I can't wait to wake up tommorow.
Girl: why?
Me: because I swear you get more beautiful everyday.
*gets laid*

Yo momma so fat she can't even jump to a conclusion.

There is a rich man that walks into a bank and a little black boy waiting outside. The man gets his money and deposits and withdraws and shit and as me walks out with the coins, the change, that he got, the boy asks him, "Any change?" The man replies "nope, your still black."
-------
Ya I don't think that jokers racist, not a hate joke, or discriminating or anything like that.

3 men walk into a bar. One orders a beer, another orders a shot, and the last one orders a whiskey. I don’t know how the rest of the joke goes but your mother is a whore.


how many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
3: 1 to screw in the bulb, the other 2 to suck my dick

how is the pope like a christmas tree?
the balls are for decoration.

****(As a Christian and catholic I actually found that funny but that is not my excuse for saying it. I am not a skial server player that uses the "I am black so I can say the n word excuse)

What do you call a guy with no arms and legs hanging on the wall? Art.
What do you call a guy with no arms and legs floating in the water? Bob.
What do you call a guy with no arms and legs lying in front of your door? Matt.
What do you call a guy with no arms and legs lying on the kitchen floor? Linol.
What do you call a guy with no arms and legs lying in a pile of leaves? Rustle.
What do you call a guy with no arms and legs in the lion cage at the zoo? Fucked.
 
Teacher: John why did you bring your cat to school today?
John: (crying) I heard the postman tell My Mom.........
"when the kid goes to school im going to eat your pussy.

-----------—------------------------–—


This beautiful woman one day walks into a doctors office and thedoctor is bowled over by how stunningly awesome she is. All his professionallism goes right out the window...He tells her to take her pants, she does, and he starts rubbing her thighs."Do you know what I am doing?" asks the doctor?"Yes, checking for abnormalities." she replies.He tells her to take off her shirt and bra, she takes them off. The doctorbegins rubbing her breasts and asks, "Do you know what I am doing now?", she replies, "Yes, checking for cancer."Finally, he tells her to take off her panties, lays her on the table, gets on top of her and starts having sex with her. He says to her, "Do you know what I am doing now?"She replies, "Yes, getting herpies - thats why I am here!"

Me: What's that smell?
Wife: I can't smell anything.
Me: Neither can I, Get that fucking cooker on.


man to god: why did you make women so beautiful?
god to man: so that you would love her.
man to god: then why did you make women so dumb?
god to man: So that she would love you.

A guy walks into a jewelry store with this hot blonde. He says to the jeweler, I want to see your finest piece. The jewler brings out this $1,000 bracelet. The guy says, "I don't think you understand, I want to see your finest piece of jewelry." The jewler says okay, and brings back this beautiful $5,000 necklace. The man irritated at this point, repeats his request. "I want to see your FINEST piece of jewelry you have in this damn place." The jewler goes back to the safe, brings out this exquisite $10,000 diamondring.
The man writes to jewler a check and says, "Now, I know what your are going to think, that the check is bad. That's why I'm going to leave thecheck, and the ring with you. Come monday morning when the checkclears, I'll be in to get the ring." The jewler is ecstatic and says absolutely and thanks the man for his business. Come monday, the jewler calls the man and says furiously, "What the hell, the check didn't clear, you didn't have any money for that ring!" The man replies, "I know, but I had one hell of a weekend!"









must win that strange ESCAPE PLAN! Strange direct hit is looking hot as fuck also.
 
15 minutes? In that case BRB!

I must... win.. s. escape plan.
 
Last edited:
A man and a woman meet in an elevator. "Where are you heading today?" the man asks.
"I'm going down to give blood."
"How much do you get paid for giving blood?"
"About $20."
"Wow," says the man, "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100." The woman angrily gets off the elevator.The next day, the man and woman meet in the elevator again.
"Fancy meeting you again. Where you off to today?"
"Sperm bank," she says with her mouth full.

A dick has a sad life. His hair is a mess; his family is nuts; his next-door neighbor is an asshole; his best friend is a pussy, and his owner beats him habitually.

girl - baby im wet.
Boy - want a paper towel?
Girl - no, i want more then that ;)
Boy - want 2 paper towels?
Girl - no, baby i want sumthing big and round ;)
Boy - damn you want the whole roll?

My girl caught me blowing my dick with the air dryer, and asked what I was doing? Apparently "heating your dinner" wasn't a good answer.


My girlfriend came out of the shower and said, "I shaved my pussy you know what that means?"
I said, "Yeah the fucking drain is clogged again."

A kid walks into a class with a shirt, pants, underwear, and socks the teacher asks, "Where have you been?" The boy says, "On top of blueberry hill."
Then another boy walks in with no shirt and no socks and the teacher says, "Where have you been?" The boy says, "On top of blueberry hill."
Then a girl walks in and the teacher asks, "Where have you been? Oh, let me guess on top of blueberry hill." and the girl says, "No, I am blueberry hill."

One day, Little Johnny saw his grandpa smoking his cigarettes. Little Johnny asked, "Grandpa, can I smoke some of your cigarettes?" His grandpa replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" "No", said Little Johnny. His grandpa replied, "Then you're not old enough."

The next day, Little Johnnysaw his grandpa drinking beer. He asked, "Grandpa, can I drink some of your beer?" His grandpa replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" "No" said Little Johhny. "Then you're not old enough." his grandpa replied.

The next day, Little Johnny was eating cookies. His grandpa asked, "Can I have some of your cookies?" Little Johnny replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" His grandpa replied, "It most certainly can!" Little Johnny replied, "Then go fuck yourself. These are my cookies!"

A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, "Mypenis," and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."

Guy: Can I buy you a drink?
Girl: Sorry, but alcohol is bad for my legs.
Guy: Do they swell?
Girl: No. They spread.

Who's the biggest prostitute in history? Ms. Pacman, for 25 cents that b*tch swallowed balls till she died.
My girlfriend and I were having sex the other day when she looked at me and said, "Make love to me like in the movies."
So I fucked her in the ass, pulled out, and came all over her face and hair.
I guess we don't watch the same movies.

A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking." Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!"


Yo momma is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and it's still printing.

A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police show up, they ask him what happened. The shaken turtle replies, “I don’t know. It all happened so fast.”

A poodle and a collie are walking together when the poodle suddenly unloads on his friend. “My life is a mess,” he says. “My owner is mean, my girlfriend ran away with a schnauzer, and I’m as jittery as a cat.”
“Why don’t you go see a psychiatrist?” suggests the collie.
“I can’t,” says the poodle.

A priest, a minister, and a rabbi want to see who’s best at his job. So they each go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it. Later they get together. The priest begins: “When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his First Communion.”
“I found a bear by the stream,” says the minister, “and preached God’s holy word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him.”
They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying on a gurney in a body cast. “Looking back,” he says, “maybe I shouldn’t have started with the circumcision.”

A man is walking in a graveyard when he hears the Third Symphony played backward. When it’s over, the Second Symphony starts playing, also backward, and then the First. “What’s going on?” he asks a cemetery worker.
“It’s Beethoven,” says the worker. “He’s decomposing.”

A ventriloquist is performing with his dummy on his lap. He’s telling a dumb-blonde joke when a young platinum-haired beauty jumps to her feet. “What gives you the right to stereotype blondes that way?” she demands. “What does hair color have to do with my worth as a human being?” Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to stammer out an apology. “You keep out of this!” she yells. “I’m talking to that little jerk on your knee!”
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top Bottom
Back